1.
How is the matchmaking done?
I
initially match prospective partners according to the information
supplied on the registration forms. If I have any doubts or
if I need any clarification I contact the person concerned
either directly or through the parents. If a pair is matched
from the current pool of people who are registered, I contact
each party in turn. I do this firstly to discuss a general
profile of the potential partner. This helps me to determine
the suitability and proper interest in the other person. Secondly
it is to establish if both parties would like to consider
each other further. Once I understand that both parties want
to proceed further I post them each other's profile in brief,
and contact details. The respective parents/guardians will
then become responsible in arranging any necessary meetings
and in guiding their son or daughter to the correct decision.
I then wait for them to let me know of the outcome. If I don't
hear from any party for a reasonable time then I would chase
them up for a number of times. If they still do not respond
after 3 attempts, generally within a span of 3 months, then
membership is automatically cancelled and that person will
no longer be registered even though a year has not passed.
2.
Who does the initial matchmaking?
Is
it automated in some way or do you have some type of software
to work this out for you? Abu Muntasir personally deals with
this service on a case by case basis.
3.
Why are you doing this?
I
have taken personal responsibility to carry out this service
because of my understanding about the situation and the difficulties
brothers and sisters face regarding marriage in the UK. During
my almost 25 years in the field of da'wah and education I
have encountered many who have needed help with getting married,
or with regards to marital problems and difficulties. At one
time I had the dubious honour of becoming the guardian of
between 20 to 30 sisters. Working closely with the Islamic
Shariah Council and in particular with Shaikh Sohaib Hasan,
I dealt with many marriages, marriage problems and matchmaking
over these years. All of this was done on a voluntary basis
without any formal structure or method in place. Eventually
I gave up almost everything to do with marriage out of sheer
disappointment and, I am sorry to have to say, disgust with
the behaviour of mainly the young brothers and sisters. Impatience
on the part of the young ones and ingratitude towards parents
and in some cases a selfish reasoning to blackmail parents
provided the grist for such behaviour. Although it is unfair
and perhaps self-righteous to say that I have only discovered
the negative aspects concerning this, yet it is in learning
from the failures and disappointments that future efforts
are made more sound and secure. The single most important
lesson from all this is that it is vital to involve the parents
from the outset. As for myself, I am blissfully married for
around 23 years and Allah has blessed me with 6 sons and 6
daughters. I have also had the humbling experience of being
a wanting husband and an improving father. The two sets of
experience outlined above coupled with my extensive Islamic
educational work in the field and hands on participation in
various Islamic activities, has convinced me that great attention
needs to be paid towards the marital institution for Muslims
in the UK. I rest assured that a good deal of our social problems
and internecine differences and rivalry, much of which often
readily incline towards the unsavoury to say the least, stems
from problems at home and how a home is established at the
outset. The great reward that is due in helping others to
get married notwithstanding, there is also a very practical
need for this type of service to run in a truly Islamic way
with due good manners. I hope and pray that my contribution
will not only assist in alleviating the problems of finding
a suitable partner but also add value to the process through
my personal touch.
4.
How long do I have to wait before I get a match?
It
is not possible to say how long it takes for any particular
person to find a match. It depends on a great deal with who
are currently registered with us. This is not simply a case
of how many, but to a large extent, who are the brothers and
sisters registered at any given time. However, the larger
the number of people registered the more likely one will find
a match sooner. Thus getting more and more brothers and sisters
onto the programme is essential. I strongly feel everyone
has to play a part; those who are already married and those
who are looking to get married. If the community of Muslims
in the UK understand the need for this then it is in the interest
of all of us to support it through wilful promotion and direct
encouragement to as many people to register as possible.
5.
Who is this service for?
This
service is open to any and all Muslims, whatever their background,
religious preferences, Islamic orientation, level of practice
or attachment to the Deen. It is not restricted to any particular
school of thought or creed within Islam.
6.
Do you cater for divorced people?
Yes,
this service is open to both divorced men and women, as well
as to men and women whose spouses have left this world.
7.
Are there certain choices you do not deal with?
It
is entirely up to the person to state their preferences and
acceptance criteria. I do not interfere in this with respect
to what may be 'better' or 'superior' in my opinion. I will
do my best to match an applicant with someone according to
what is sought. However, if I am asked or I feel by providing
any advice in this regard it may improve the prospects or
bring greater blessings then I may do so. If this advice is
not taken then I will simply endeavour to satisfy an applicant
according to his or her preference as usual.
8.
How securely do you protect our personal information?
All
information is kept strictly in confidence and names are not
given out to any prospective parties unless a clear consent
is given to proceed further. These people are in turn asked
to destroy all information pertaining to the potential spouse
once they are no longer in need of that.
9.
How much does it cost and can I get a reduction in the fee?
Since
this is our first year, we have decided to offer this service
at the subsidised fee of £25 to be registered for a year with
Morning Dew. This work does take considerable time to manage
including communication and material expenses. The registration
fee is actually a token amount to support the service.
10.
Can I get a refund if I am not offered a match during the
year, or if I want to cancel anyway for any reason?
Each
time we receive a new applicant's details, every existing
member will be checked for compatibility. So even though no
match may follow, the same amount of work will have been done
for a member who receives no matches as with a member who
receives many. A candidate who is registered can cancel at
any time but there is no refund. The fee is set to such a
low figure that it does not make sense to split that into
costs in terms of time and effort taken to put that person
onto the system, terminate it, matches performed to date,
time remaining since start date and overhead costs incurred
so far.
11.
How many people are registered so far and what type?
This
information is never disclosed and cannot be discussed. The
whole mechanism rests upon trust. Just as we are not interested
in taking advantage of anyone, in the same way we expect no
one to take advantage of our service by having access to privileged
information. Some brothers and sisters want to register when
they feel comfortable that a certain number are already registered.
Others ask on behalf of their friends or relatives to help
decide whether any of them should join this service or not
or the time it is opportune for them to do so. The threshold
figure varies from person to person. As regards the question
of how many are registered, the fact that someone right is
registered makes more of a difference than how many. In order
to find out if the right type of person is actually registered
or not the enquirer needs to be registered in the first place.
That is an essential part of the service. Hence we cannot
discuss with anyone whether someone suitable is in the pool
unless that person is registered nor answer questions about
who or what type are already registered when asked on behalf
of someone other than the person registered. There is the
issue of privacy or confidentiality to consider too.
12.
Some parents feel it is a shame to seek help in this way for
one's sons and daughters and some brothers and sisters who
would like to get married feel the same way too. What do you
say about that?
Yes,
some people may feel that way but that has more to do with
cultural reasons than anything else. People from different
parts of the world have their sense of honour and shame tied
to local customs, norms, values, etiquette of behaviour, practices
as well as Islam. Such influences are often carried across
when people resettle in other parts of the world and are transmitted
generation to generation. The real shame is in not trying
the halal and insha`Allah blessed way. Morning Dew is run
according to the morals and standards of Islam with complete
confidentiality. We respect the guardian's rights and preferences
without ignoring the choice of the one who is seeking a spouse.
It is not like a market where one's details are displayed
like "wares for sale to the highest bidder". It is just like
going to a trusted friend or elder who uses his or her contacts
and personal knowledge to suggest someone insha`Allah with
sincerity and objectivity. This is normally what happens in
life unless a brother or sister is guided to a personal choice
through circumstances and that is communicated to the relevant
people. When a relative, friend or colleague is not able to
satisfy the needs who should one turn to and how? By turning
to Morning Dew you are simply widening your trusted contacts
and carrying on looking for a spouse responsibly.
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